


Judgement

by Hauno



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Anxiety, Drama, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-17 19:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13084026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hauno/pseuds/Hauno
Summary: Sakurauchi Riko has some feelings for Ohara Mari.





	1. Chapter 1

Uranohoshi Girls’ High School was always a kind, pretty place where all of the girls got along. Uchiura was a nice, friendly little town where there was many; many pretty girls, too. A nice, lovely little town where mikans grew and the scent of the sea filled the air; with an amazing school to match.

 

Sakurauchi Riko, however, dreaded everyday of her life there. Everyone was kind; but not everyone was open minded. And for Riko, she hated thinking of the day that she might slip up. She hated being fearful of letting anyone see her collection of doujinshi; she feared how someone might react to seeing her stare at all of the pretty girls at Uranohoshi. 

 

She especially feared her group, Aqours, finding out that she was a lesbian. 

 

Sakurauchi Riko loved girls, and that terrified her. She could only think of the disasters that would come from anyone finding out. She would start getting glances from all of the girls that she thought were cute; not glances that had love hidden in them, no shy-cute shoujo type smiles, but glances that were filled with disgust and judgement. 

 

Coming from a highly religious family, and attending Uranohoshi’, a catholic school, Riko couldn’t help but feel sinful as well. She was in the wrong for liking girls. Riko was wrong. 

 

If nobody finds out, then she’ll be safe. She won’t have to run back to Tokyo; she won’t have to stop singing with Aqours. She can’t let them know. She won’t.

 

It’s hard, though. Denying her own feelings. Denying the fact that she loves girls. Denying the fact that--

 

That she may just be in love with one of her own group members.

 

Riko laughs at herself internally. Her hands tremble and she misses the notes on her piano. She’s practicing for Aqours’ new song, and, she wouldn’t want to mess that up.

 

But when she sees Ohara Mari, the big; blonde and beautiful fellow Idol; dancing in front of her with the rest of the group, her heart skips a few beats and her hands start getting sweaty; she wonders if Mari notices the way that she stares at her. Lovingly, sweet, never giving her a bad look. 

 

Sakurauchi Riko is -- well, she’s in love with Ohara Mari. More than she would like to admit. To her, Mari is everything that she’s ever wanted.

 

“Riko-chaaaan?” The familiar voice snapped Riko out of her trance. It was Chika; another girl that was, to Riko, absolutely beautiful. “Are you okay?” Chika sounded worried. Riko’s heart pounded in her chest.

 

“I- I’m fine, Chika-chan. I just have… I’m trancing out. That’s all.”

 

“You’ve been trancing out a lot now, are you okay?” Chika frowned, holding Riko’s shoulders as if to support her from fainting. “I don’t want you to die, Riko-chan!” Chika pulled her in for a tight, tight hug.

 

“I’m not going to die, Chika-chan.” Riko sighed. “It might just be side effects from the new medication I’m trying…”

 

“I’m gonna fight the medication!” Chika pouted.

 

You walked over and pulled Chika off of Riko. “Chika-chan, when someone isn’t feeling well, you shouldn’t cling onto them…” she scolded, “Sorry about that, Riko-chan, do you want me to take you to the nurse?”

 

Riko shook her head. “I’ll be fine, thank you, though. Sorry for disrupting practice.”

 

Riko glanced over at Mari; and for a minute, their eyes met. Mari looked concerned for her. She knew that Riko was ill; but she’d never seen her like this before. It’s been two whole weeks that Riko had been trancing in and out during practice- though, she mostly noticed the staring.

 

And just like that, without a suspicion; the group continued. Riko, however, wondered if she could.

 

\--

 

Ohara Mari was the most beautiful girl that Riko had ever seen, and everytime Mari looked at her, her heart skipped a beat.

 

But it skipped even more now that Mari was standing right in front of her, face to face; when Mari had invited her over, she expected it to relate to Aqours. The mood Mari was giving off was much more than “just Aqours”.

 

“Riko-chan?” Mari asked; her face wasn’t readable. Riko felt the sweat dripping from her forehead and her legs were trembling and suddenly she couldn’t--

 

“Riko-chan, it’s okay.” She was brought out of her panicked state. Mari’s arms gently wrapping around her waist. Mari rested her chin on Riko’s shoulder. “Riko-chan.”

 

“Yes?” Riko’s voice cracked. 

 

“Do you like girls?”

 

Riko didn’t want the one girl that she loved to death be disgusted by her- she didn’t want to answer that and she panicked and squirmed in Mari’s grip. Before she knew it she felt tears brooding in the corners of her eyes and and suddenly couldn’t control it and before she knew it she was wrapped in Mari’s arms, even tighter. 

 

Something in Riko snapped when Mari’s grip got tighter. 

 

“Yes!” she yelled; her voice changing pitch left and right, “I love girls! I’m a homosexual! Go on, Mari-san! Rub it in some more! Just rub it in for being obvious! Go on, tell everyone at school! Tell our fucking idol group too, why don’t you?! And while we’re here, might as well tell you that I love you! Just to add some more salt to the wound!” She struggled to get out of Mari’s hug.

 

“Riko-chan.”

 

“What?”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

All Riko could do was freeze.

 

\--

 

“Haven’t you been hanging out with Mari-san a lot lately?” Dia questioned Riko whilst the two were paired to do their stretches together. “It’s like you two are  _ dating _ , almost.”

 

Dating. That word threw off Riko’s balance, causing her to fall flat on her face. 

 

“Riko-san, are you okay?” Dia bent down to help her up.

 

“Y- Yes, I’m just...dizzy. That’s all.” Riko forced a smile and took Dia’s hand. “We’re not, we’re just composing a song together, is all.”

 

“That’s good. I wouldn’t want to catch you two dating.”

Right. Nobody else is like Mari. Nobody else is like either of them. For a minute, Riko thought that she may be able to tell her group mates; to tell them all that her and Mari were a couple, and that they loved each other, and did everything that other heterosexual couples did; like kiss and hold hands and go on movie dates.

 

She knows now, that she cannot, and she cannot fuck up, even for a second.

 

\--

“Riko-san, Mari-san, what are you two doing?” The high-tuned voice of a familiar diver called. Mari and Riko froze like a deer in the headlights. The two weren’t doing much; and they weren’t doing anything bad- Riko just wanted to kiss Mari. She just wanted to kiss her girlfriend, and yet-

 

“Are you two…” Kanan stared at them. She furrowed brow. “Dating? You know what this means, don’t you?”

 

“Kanan-” Mari stepped closer to her. “Please- Please don’t tell anyone, Kanan-san.”

 

“This type of behavior wouldn’t be tolerated in the real idol world, you know that, Mari-san. We need to have a discussion-”

 

“Kanan-san. Please.”

 

“I’m sorry, Mari.” Kanan turned around. 

 

“You don’t have any proof!” Riko shouted. “And why do you think you have any right to tell the rest of the group about us?!”

 

Turning back to Riko, Kanan’s eyes met the redheads’. 

 

“They’ll believe me, though. I don’t lie, ya’ know?” she put her arms behind her head, turned around and continued to walk away.

 

\--

 

“Mari-chan, this was a bad idea. Going out together was… a bad idea.” Riko snuggled deeper into her girlfriend’s arms. After the whole affair earlier; she wanted to go back to Mari’s room to talk and think.

 

Mari sighed. “We’ll figure something out, amore mio.”

 

The night continued on as silent; only the soft breeze and the laps of the ocean could be heard. 

Mari held Riko’s hand tightly. Even if Aqours hated them- even if everyone in Uchiura gives them glances, their eyes silently judging the two of them, Mari would never leave Riko’s side.

 

And Riko would never leave Mari’s.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter has self harm in it. please read with caution.
> 
> ahead of time note: i dont know how the fuck to upload chapter fics on here, i am Sorry

“So, I was right.” Dia stood up; the group of nine was gathered into their after-school club room to discuss the future of their group- and, more so, Mari and Riko’s relationship.

 

“Do you think that this sort of behavior is approved of anywhere in the world, you two?” Dia sighs; her face reading all sorts of disappointment. “This is disgusting.” 

 

Ruby lowers her head in the background, as if to hide some sort of shame. 

 

Chika stands up, her hands pressed onto the table. “I don’t think there’s any reason for us to get involved! It’s only the two of them. It doesn’t deal with us as a group, or us as friends!” she shouts.

 

“I don’t want to be in an idol group with  _ lesbians _ , Chika,” Kanan adds on. “You know, what if we were idol idols, and not just school idols? And they were caught together? That’d kill us.”

 

“It’s just love!” Chika yells in reply. 

 

“I’m not gay,” Hanamaru says, slightly muffled from the bread in her mouth; her nervous eating habits getting the best of her; “But I don’t see why it’s wrong…”

 

Yoshiko, does as Ruby has, and lowers her head down. 

 

Mari rubs her temples in frustration. “Then, what the FUCK do you want us to do?”

 

Dia rolls her eyes. “Break up and we can forget it ever happened.”

 

“NO!” Riko yells, facing Dia. Her body is tense; and she is nervous, but she won’t let herself get slandered anymore. “We will NOT be breaking up! You all will have to fucking live with it!” She stammers out. “The whole point of this group is to save the school! It doesn’t matter if we’re friends or not afterwards!” She composes herself and takes a few deep breaths. She could feel the tears swelling up again. Mari gently rubs her shoulders. 

 

You frowns. “Come on guys, can’t we just get along…?”

 

“No,” both Dia and Kanan say in sync. 

 

Dia thinks for a few moments. 

 

“Aqours will no longer be continued.”

 

The club room falls silent, a hint of sadness in the air.

 

\--

 

It’s been a month since Aqours had disbanded. The reason, thanks to Dia, had stayed a secret from the school and the rest of Uchiura. 

 

Mari reminiscences over the time she had spent with Dia and Kanan in the past. They no longer talk to her. She laughs a bit to herself; that must suck for them. At least now, Mari has the freedom to do what she wants with no restraints. She knows that she still has her family. Unlike her two childhood best friends; her family would never abandon her.

 

Riko on the other hand, hasn’t been reacting to this as well as Mari’s been. She stays home from school a lot. She constantly tells Mari she wants to run. Run away from Uranohoshi, from Uchiura. Back to Tokyo. Maybe even out of Japan. Here, they would be judged; but in other areas, they would be safe. Accepted, even. 

 

But Mari makes her stay. Every day, after school, Mari would come to Riko’s house to spend time with her. To talk to her. Every time she came over, though, she would notice how the light in Riko’s eyes had faded (much more than it was before), and at night, in her own home, Mari would pray to the Gods that Riko would be well again soon.

 

It isn’t until the week after, when Mari goes to school, that she notices the strange glares of unfamiliar girls. 

 

Now, Mari was used to being stared at. She was different, really. She didn’t look quite like the other girls; she was half-italian, after all, and she was the director, and maybe she did look rich, but these girls’ stares were nothing like the ones from before. They felt almost… hateful. 

 

“Is it true that Aqours disbanded because of you?” One girl she doesn’t recognize asks. “Are you really a lesbian, Ohara-san?”

 

Mari freezes up, and doesn’t give the girl a reply.

 

\--

 

The rumors get worse. When Mari tells Riko this; Riko stops coming to school all together. 

 

“Is Riko-chan not going to come anymore?” Chika frowns. “I’ve been trying to catch her attention from the window lately, but she doesn’t come to talk anymore. Whenever I try to go over to her house, her mom says that she doesn’t want to talk!” Her frown grows bigger. 

 

“No, she’s not going to come anymore.” Mari sighs. “Her medication hasn’t been helping her, either.”

 

“Gaaaaah!” Chika yells in frustration, “Stupid Dia-san! Stupid Kanan-san! Stupid-anyone else who doesn’t understand love!” she tugs at her braid in frustration.

 

You pats Chika’s head and holds her hand down to prevent her from tugging out her hair. “It’s a shame, really. I didn’t expect Dia-san and Kanan-san to have that sort of mindset.”

 

“I did,” Mari groans. “They were raised in strict families, after all. It doesn’t seem like Hanamaru-chan gets it, either. But she’s not as bad.”

 

“We need to go cheer up Riko-chaaan!” Chika struggles away from You’s grip. 

 

“I don’t think we’re able to, Chika-chan. She’s got depression, doesn’t she? It’s a lil’ bit harder than that.” You lets go of Chika to lean back on the wall. “Tell her that we hope she gets better, though.”

 

“I’ll let her know.” Mari forces a smile.

 

\--

 

“Riko-chan?” Mari opens the door to Riko’s room. “Riko-chan, are you-”

 

Mari doesn’t expect to find Riko, huddled up in the corner, crying her eyes out with blood dripping down from her arms. There were so many fresh, open wounds. So much blood. Mari found herself trancing out; staring at the blood pouring down. 

 

Snapping herself out of the trance, she ran over to Riko and took the blade sitting next to her on the floor. “Riko-chan!”

 

Riko looked up from her dazed state. “Mari…?”

 

“Riko-chan, why did you… shit! We need to stop this bleeding-- we need to go to the hospital, Riko-chan-”

 

“They’ll take me away, Mari…” Riko lulled. She was so out of it.

 

Mari had trained herself in first aid. It was time to make use of that. She ran to Riko’s bathroom and grabbed the medical kit and got to work- she cleaned each one of them. Luckily, none of them were deep enough to need stitches. 

 

“... I’m sorry.” Riko sighs.

 

“It’s okay, Riko-chan. I understand.” Mari lovingly strokes Riko’s hair, her fingers entwining with strands of her lovers’ hair. 

 

“I just- I don’t want to do this, Mari-chan.” Riko buries her face into her girlfriends’ shoulder. “I just want to be with you… “ 

 

“I know, Riko. I’ll stay with you no matter what.”

 

“I love you, Mari-chan.”

 

“I love you too, Riko-chan.” Mari smiles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait, i've been sick and I am still sick. It's not over yet bois.


End file.
